Monday, June 30, 2008

TO MY DETRACTORS...

MEPHISTO MADE ME DO IT

ITEM! Yours Truly just spent the entire weekend NOT blogging and trying like hell to catch up on the zillion projects my entourage of entertainment attorneys have signed me up for. Here’s how that worked out: I spent about 15 percent of my time actually writing and the other 85 percent having meetings with my loud-mouthed long-winded lawyers. And by meetings I mean meltdowns. And by meltdowns I mean screaming matches. I could swear it’s me that pays them, but they seem to think that the tail wags the hog or some such nonsense. We spent the entirety of yesterday just going over why I shouldn’t be doing this blog and how I can’t be calling David Maisel out in public like I did. And here I thought none of them could even read anything that wasn’t notarized, notified and non-indemnified! 

Finally we had to crank the conversation all the way down to the "what-are-you-going-to-do-about-its." I mean, after all, I’m 85 years old, beloved by millions, and oderous-if-not-stinking rich. Yah gonna sue me? My own legal counsel? Good luck with that one. I’ve taken Marvel on in court and handed them their glamorous gluteus maximuses more than once, and I can do it again. Cease and Desist away, sunshine!

Anyhoo... your Uncle Stanley did actually manage to catch up on his backlog of peerless projects, so it’s back-to-business-as-usual here at Everything’s Sunny in Soapboxland! Thanks for reading, pilgrims! I couldn’t do it without yah!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Thursday, June 26, 2008

MARVELOUS MOTIVATIONAL MONOGRAPHS

ITEM! Honest Irv just showed me this great website called motivationalbuck.com and I decided to spruce up the ol’ POW! offices with some customized creative content today! It was either that, or start writing some of the two-dozen projects that my lawyers have signed me up for. Heck, I'm all writer-blocked on the sequel to Election Daze anyways... maybe I need to do a book of these instead! It just goes to show you — you never know when the Merry Marvel Muses are gonna strike next! You Frantic Ones and Fearless Front-Facers out there in Marveldom should really go to this site and have some fun with it. Your Uncle Stan sure did!





Excelsior!
Smiley

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

CAPTAIN AMERICA WE LOVE YOU

ITEM! Still no sign of the missing Captain America cameo popping up online, so I asked my World Wide Webs technical assistant Irving Forbush to provide us with a little something to assuage our angst-ridden appetites, soothe our sorrowed senses, and hinder our hidden hungers for a just little while longer. Or until Marvel Studios gets its act together — whichever comes first! This is what he came up with, which features a song by some guy named Jimmy Buffet. Enjoy! 


Excelsior!
Smiley

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

ADHERING TO THE SPIRIT OF THE BLOG, IF NOT THE LETERRIER

ITEM! Welp, Marvelites, it’s time for your Uncle Stanley to admit when he was wrong. Just got off the phone with Incredible Hulk director Louis-Louie Leterrier, and it seems that Yours Truly got his wires crossed. It happens. Get to the ripe old age of 85 yourself and see how accurate your keyboard taps are, pilgrims. But in the spirit of this by my old-man Internet-crush Heidi MacDonald, I’m here to set the record straight! Louis just called to let me know that not only was he arguing alongside Edward Norton, not against him, for a beefier, better cut of the Incredible Hulk that included more of Eddie’s character-driven dialogue and plot enhancements, he also wasn’t at fault for pushing the Captain America cameo in public. Seems that Marvel overruled them both, but not until after Louis had already done some early press junkets promoting scenes that were in the various trailers but subsequently cut from the released version. Scenes like the Doc Samson psychiatric session and the arctic prologue scene that included a certain Captain’s coolish cameo.

Louis further informed me that he has no idea why Marvel hasn’t released the Captain America cameo clip onto the Intraweb as they told him they would do last week. His best guess was that some suits were still arguing about harming future DVD sales by posting one of the most anticipated included DVD extras for free. Sounds about right to me. But since no one at the studio has returned my calls in a couple of weeks, your guess is as good as mine when and where this will actually happen. But don’t give up the ship, Frantic Ones... Face Front! Hang Loose! Write your congressman or congresswoman! Demand the extra Hulk footage that you deserve! And until then, Keep Making Yours Marvel! Your Uncle Stan needs a sequel cameo!

Excelsior!
Smiley

GIVE HULK A HOME TODAY!

ITEM! Hey there Intrawebites! Can’t get enough of ol’ Greenskin? Got $3,100 burning a hole in your 401k plan? Desperately in need of over eight feet of fiberglass guaranteed to prevent you from dating ever again? Then it’s Mercenary Marvel to the rescue! In a desperate move to recoup as mucho dinero from their $150 million investment in The Incredible Hulk movie as humanly possible, the studio is auctioning off a pack of these promethean promotional productions on the ebays. See here

Whatever happened to promoting your movies by giving away promotional items in a contest? That’s how Uncle Marty used to do it, that’s how Marvel used to do it, and it’s worked out pretty well so far. I can just hear the boardroom discussion about this now. “Hell, our fan-base is a bunch of man-babies with more money than sense anyway... let’s see if we can squeeze even more radioactive blood from the turnip!” 

Not so much as it turns out. Most of the “buy it now” ebay auctions are going unbid upon. I guess your Uncle Stanley and his prehistoric promotional philosophy are pretty prescient after all. Still, if you absolutely gotta have one of these statuesque stand-ups in your den or living room, and you want to avoid having the Lowell, Massachusetts police knocking at your door, you may want to plunk down $3k for one. Tell ‘em Smiley sent yah! 

Excelsior!
Smiley

Monday, June 23, 2008

HULK FOOTAGE III: THE SEARCH FOR CAP

ITEM! What’s up with Louis Letterier and Marvel Studios? I wish I could tell you, pilgrims. First King Louis runs around assuring every entertainment reporter he can get his Parisian paws on that there’s a Captain America cameo in The Incredible Hulk movie... then post-premiere he comes clean and says there’s not! Then he says “pardonez-moi,” we cut it out but we’ll post it online in a couple of days... and then nothing shows up. It’s like the studio is actively trying to spread poor word-of-mouth about this movie. That’s not what the Intrawebs are for, guys! You’re supposed to use the greatest single invention since gamma-irradiated stretchy pants to spread positive buzz about your movie... not pissing your fan base off!

I’d post the footage online myself, but I’m still figuring out how to get my computer to see the printer (heck, they’re facing each other in plain sight, what else does it need?). Even with the terrific technical assistance of Honest Irv, I don’t know how to post the scene online from my early-preview Hulk DVD screener. But I’ll tell you what your Uncle Stanley can do! I can post a brief comic version of how a cadre of my courageous co-creations might crack the case of the confusing cut cameo clip! Enjoy! 

*UPDATED* See the actual footage with instructions on how to spot Cap right here.

Excelsior!
Smiley

Sunday, June 22, 2008

POLICE HUNT FOR THE HULK

ITEM! No really! Life imitates art as the local constabulary of Lowell, Massachusetts patrol their streets looking for a green, eight foot tall giant wearing ripped, purple pants! I kid you not, Frantic Ones! From the Lowell Sun newspaper:

POLICE HUNT FOR THE HULK
By Jack Minch, jminch@lowellsun.com
Article Last Updated: 06/21/2008 06:35:52 AM EDT

LOWELL -- Police are on the lookout for an eight-foot man with ripped abs, bulging biceps and a ferocious look frozen on his green face. He disappeared from the front of Showcase Cinema on Reiss Avenue early Tuesday. He was last seen wearing purple pants and nothing else. Oh, and he is missing his feet.

OK, the man is really a statue and was a promotional piece for The Incredible Hulk movie that opened at the theater June 13.

"I'm sure it's in some kid's bedroom somewhere," said Police Capt. James McPadden.

The statuesque figure was screwed to a piece of plywood so the kidnappers did the unthinkable and broke the Hulk off at the ankles. Sonya Grady, a manager at the theater, confirmed the heist but referred further comment to National Amusements' Dedham headquarters. Officials did not answer the telephone last night. The statue was last seen about 1 a.m. Tuesday and an employee noticed the theft about 2:30 a.m. Police believe more than one person was involved and a car or pickup truck was needed to whisk away the Hulk. The movie theater has video surveillance cameras and is hoping the theft was captured on film, McPadden said.

He admitted it could be tough to find the Hulk if he's morphed back into a normal sized doll.

The comic book character was also popularized in the 1970s television show starring Bill Bixby as the mild-mannered scientist and Lou Ferrigno as the enraged scientist. "I'm sure it's a prank kind of thing, it might even turn up somewhere else," McPadden said.

Excelsior!
Smiley

Friday, June 20, 2008

AN OPEN LETTER TO MARVEL STUDIOS CHAIRMAN DAVID MAISEL

ITEM! You True Believers out there are just gonna have to excuse your Uncle Stan while he gets a little something off his chest today. Frankly, this is part of why I started this under-my-lawyers-radar boisterous blog to begin with — so I could fire one off across the bow every once in awhile without having to hear about it for weeks from corporate Hollywood legal types. And yes, I have my old-man cranky pants on today, so the faint of heart, the incontinent, or those suffering from delicate derrieres should just click away now and come back tomorrow!

An open letter to Marvel Studios Chair David Maisel:

Dear Greed-for-Brains,

Are you out of your ever lovin’ mind? Am I missing something, or did you hire Jon Favreau for a song and he turned around and gave you a $638 million franchise-starting movie when half of Wall Street was betting against you? What is your major malfunction? Are you seriously considering killing the goose that laid the golden armor-plated egg? If Jon Favreau says he needs an actual fair wage for writing and directing Iron Man 2, then your answer is YES. If he and Robert Downey Jr. say that a 2010 date is not enough time to mount a quality sequel, then it’s YOUR JOB as studio head to figure out the scheduling issues and how to solve them. Dear Lord man... do you want another Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer on your hands? Stop acting like a parody of the hebetudinous Hollywood half-wits on Entourage and take a good look at the long range gains versus the short term ones. Use some of that $4.1 million dollars you made in 2007 and go buy yourself a clue... cause you need one son.

One more thing: when my people call your people, please return my calls. My attorneys can eat your attorneys for lunch and still have room left for dessert. Bet on it.

Sincerely,
Stan

Thanks for your indulgence, pilgrims. If you want to know the secret to livin’ to the ripe old age of 85, the secret is that sometimes you have to get up and take out the trash! ‘Nuff Said!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Thursday, June 19, 2008

CAPTAIN AMERICA CAMEO AND THE MISSING HULK FOOTAGE

ITEM! Hey there, heroes! It’s your investigative reporter on all thing Marvelous, Stan the Man comin’ at you today, and I’m here to help. Lord knows why, but director King Louis Leterrier XVIII is really playing coy with you Marvelites about whether or not the Captain America cameo is an easter egg in The Incredible Hulk movie or not, and if so, where. I guess it’s because he’s French. The French make an art form out of being coy. And even though your Uncle Stanley only knows a few basic French phrases, like “Bonjour,” “Comment allez-vous,” and “Je me rends,” I’m going to translate Louis’ coyness into some good ol’ American stress-relieving facts for yah. Here’s the complete skinny on the Cap cameos in the Hulk movie!

First, there was a scene scripted and filmed in which Bruce Banner treks northward to the arctic circle and tries to off himself by putting a gun in his mouth (see prior peerless post on this). The suicide attempt fails because he Hulks out anyway after pulling the trigger. (Note that this actually explains why later in the movie Bruce doesn’t die when falling from the helicopter — he Hulks out after landing!) The arctic scene is the scene that was cut by the studio (against Eddy Norton’s wishes) for being too dark... though ironically it is still present in the Hulk video game. In the cut footage, the Hulk goes on a rampage and dislodges a chunk of arctic ice containing — you guessed it — a frozen Steve Rogers! There’s yer M.I.A. Cap cameo in a nifty nugget-sized nutshell.

*UPDATED* See the actual footage with instructions on how to spot Cap right here.

The good news is that so much fuss has been raised about this scene that Louis and the studio are gonna be releasing it on the Intrawebs any day now. No need to wait for the DVD extras for this one!

But what about Monsieur Leterrier’s insistence that the person of Captain America still makes a cameo appearance in the Hulk movie as released? That’s an easy one, pilgrims! If you carefully watch the scene in which General Ross enters the cryogenic chamber to fetch up a dose of Professor Rienstien’s Super Soldier serum, you’ll note that to the right is a mortuary cold chamber door. Guess who’s on the slab in there? Well it’s not Aunt May, Tiger. So there you go, True Believers! Another mystery solved, another magnificent Marvel milestone un-maligned! No need to thank me. Keeping the Faith is what I do! 

Excelsior!
Smiley

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

JACK AND BOB

ITEM! It’s Wednesday, and that must mean it’s time to answer some Sock It To Stan emailage! A few issues ago we posted some video of Jolly Jack Kirby’s cameo from The Incredible Hulk TV series in 1979, and MMMS member-in-good-standing Rab asked if anyone had a clip of Jack and Roz’s 1993 appearance in the Bob Newhart sitcom Bob. Since your Uncle Stanley was born way back when Moby Dick was still knee-high to a minnow, and I don’t even pretend to understand all of these Intrawebs and You-Toobs, I threw the challenge out to our readers to see which Merry Marvel Marcher could come up with Jack’s last TV appearance. Then I got this:

"Talk about results!  No sooner do I mention this at your blog than my pal Rand Hoppe of the Jack Kirby Museum makes it so! Admittedly, it's not a cameo in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... but on the plus side, it's not a cameo in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

RAB"

So mucho graciousness to Rascally Rab and the Jack Kirby Museum’s own Randy Randolph Hoppe for helping the rest of us Kirbyholics catch a glimpse of Jack and Roz as they appeared on the Bob episode “You Can’t Win” originally telecast on January 29, 1993. Any other Marvelites out there in the bellicose blogosphere who aspire to the rank of F.F.F. (Fearless Front Facer) and wonder how you get there from here, Rab and Randy have just shown yah how to do it, folks! And now without further ado... courtesy of Randolph Hoppe and The Jack Kirby Museum... Enjoy!



Excelsior!
Smiley

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

MARVELOUS ICONOGRAPHY

ITEM! Time for an art history lesson, True Believers. Before you yawn, yelp or yowl — relax. It’s a Merry Marvel art history lesson! Kick back, get out your MMMS stationary, and take notes, of you wish. Today’s subject: the unsung iconic art of Jack King Kirby and Sturdy Steve Ditko!

The Wikipedias define iconography as “the branch of art history which studies the identification, description, and the interpretation of the content of images. The word iconography literally means "image writing." Looking at all that Silver Age Marvel merchandise yesterday reminded me just how much of a debt we all owe Jolly Jack and Sturdy Steve. Those guys were amazing, and that’s no fantasy! In the normal everyday course of creating comic book art for page rates, these guys created symbolic representations of these characters that were so iconic they were used repeatedly in merchandising until the very images themselves became embedded in all of our collective consciousnesses! That’s quite an accomplishment, Tiger! Quick — what’s the last cover image from recent years that you can remember being used on a poster, t-shirt or toy package?

And as much credit as Yours Truly would like to take for my part in merchandising these characters, I would be remiss in not pointing out that the iconic nature of these images has absolutely nothing to do with wordsmithing — which let’s face it is my speciality. Kirby and Ditko were able to create these iconic images by taking, of all things, guys running around in capes and their PJ’s, and forging them into images that evoke raw power, pathos, and heroism with a single glance. Da Vinci and Michelangelo got nothing on these two.

Thus endeth the lesson, Frantic Ones. You may put your pencils down now!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Monday, June 16, 2008

WE BELONG, WE BELONG, WE BELONG, WE BELONG, TO THE MERRY MARVEL MARCHING SOCIETY!

ITEM! Remember what it was like back in the 1960s to be a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Marvelite with a head full of cosmic wonder all for just 12 cents a pop? Me neither. That was a long, long time ago, pilgrims. But fortunately for those of us with malfunctioning long-term memories, and even those True Believers born in later decades, MMMS member #4278 J. Ballman has come riding to our collective rescue! Check out The Full-Color Guide to Marvel Silver Age Collectibles from MMMS to Marvelmania” published by Totalmojo Productions, Inc. Before I extoll the virtues of this Marvelous must-have MMMS merchandise guide, let me say: J.B. baby... next time you need a title for one of your bibliophilic books, give your Uncle Stanley a call. I’ll help you come up with a title that comes in somewhere under the Gettysburg Address in length! How’d you get that title anyway— ask Reed Richards while he was gargling the encyclopedia? And they say I’m verbose...

This copious and comprehensive collectors’ compendium (which I shall call the MMMS guide from this point forward) is chock-a-block with complete — and I do mean complete — coverage of every single Merry Marvel merchandise offer, club, t-shirt, toy, joke, puzzle and gumball machine prize offered from 1963-1970. And what a collection of riffs and tifs of Kirby and Ditko art it is. I’d forgotten about half of these items ever existed (Mechanical Marvel Super Hero Tricycle Thor anyone?). J. Ballman does a bang-up job writing about and showing off what must represent years of research and collecting. In fact, you should buy two copies of this book — one for you and one for your best friend! Check with your local comic shop about ordering this baby, or you can always check the ebays. Tell ‘em your Uncle Stan sent yah!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Saturday, June 14, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST WRITER CREDIT

ITEM! Everyone likes to give your Uncle Stanley a hard time because of creator credit issues that at the time (1960s) and place (my uncle-in-law’s company) were never-ever considered abnormal by any of the parties involved - including Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko. By the standard practices of later decades, Jolly Jack and Sturdy Steve, as well as many others, should have been credited as co-plotters, co-creators, and even co-cashers of the royalty checks on characters that they authored along with Yours Truly. And Kirby and Ditko in particular should be credited with taking some of the earliest steps in raising these issues and making possible eventual changes in the system that comic creators enjoy to this day.

So it’s with certain sense of sardonic sarcasm I note that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Variety reporter Anne Thompson does a bang-up job of chronicling the history of how Edifyin' Edward Norton got shafted out of his screenwriter credit on The Incredible Hulk movie. It’s worth a read, pilgrims. It seems that Hollywood is still struggling with some of the same issues that plagued comics over 40 years ago. Zak Penn wrote the original script with plot, structure and characters... Eddy Norton contributed a lot of dialog, huge chunks of which (somewhere between 20-50 minutes worth) were edited out of the final cut of the movie. So who did the Writers’ Guild award sole screenplay credit to? Yup, you guessed it: Zak Penn. See the Variety story here.

I’m sure glad Yours Truly didn’t have to submit the first 102 issues of the Fantastic Four to the Screen Writers Guild. By their rationale, my name might have been eliminated from the credit boxes entirely!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Friday, June 13, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST BODY DOUBLE

ITEM! As you movie-going Marvelites may or may not know, when massively CGI’ed movies are filmed, the director often uses stand-in body doubles in order to give the actors something live on-stage to react to. In the case of The Incredible Hulk movie, the double for the Jolly Jade Giant was an otherwise unknown security guard that works on the studio lot for Jimmy Kimmel Live! - one Guillermo Rodriguez. On last night’s show, Jimbo busted the studio employee for moonlighting with footage from the film showing how things looked before Rhythm & Hues CGI’ed the Hulk into a scene. And thanks to the Interwebs, Youtubes, and my technical assistant in all things post-solid-state-radios, Irving Forbush III, you can enjoy the action for your little ol’ self!



Excelsior!
Smiley

ANOTHER MISSING HULK EASTER EGG

ITEM! A special Soapbox Shout-Out to reader SurferGirlKatie in Sydney, New South Wales for sending in this pic of YET another easter egg that was edited out of The Incredible Hulk movie at the last minute! Apparently this was from a flashback sequence in which Bruce Banner is shown exposing laboratory animals to gamma rays, in this case a chicken embryo. SurferGirlKatie, consider your self the recipient of a waxed-up water-proofed wave-riding No-Prize! ‘Nuff Said!

*UPDATED* See the actual footage with instructions on how to spot Cap right here.

Excelsior!
Smiley

Thursday, June 12, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST EASTER EGG

ITEM! Actually director “King Louis” Leterrier’s bestest easter egg in The Incredible Hulk movie isn’t technically lost... it just wasn’t included in the final release cut of the movie. Originally Mighty Marvel snuck in another reference to the upcoming Captain America movie, which Louis talks about in this interview. In a scene the studio deemed too intense for younger viewers, Bruce Banner tries to shoot himself in the arctic, only to trigger a transformation into the Hulk. Oddly enough, this same basic scene is still included in the video game. 

*UPDATED* See the actual footage with instructions on how to spot Cap right here.

In the excised footage, the Hulk rages, then knocks loose a chunk of glacier in a bit very similar to the one shown below from Avengers #4 (March 1964, natch). Just substitute ol' Greenskin for Subby and - bingo! Hopefully we'll see this scene included in the eventual DVD extras later this year.

You know, I have to give it up to directors and screenwriters smart enough to crib from the best - namely Yours Truly! Enjoy the show!



Excelsior!
Smiley

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST OUTTAKES

ITEM! Only two days to go, heroes! Two days until ol’ Greenskin smashes his way to a theatre near you! Can’t wait that long? Well your Uncle Stanley is here to help. Louis Letterier sent me over some of the in-the-works video extras for the eventual DVD release so I could get “prepared” (i.e. have my malfunctioning memory messaged) for taping my interviews. Included in the extras are some hilarious outtakes and on-camera hijinks that I’ve decided to preview for you here... via the magic of Stan’s famous patent-pending peerlessly penned dialog balloons! Just a little assist from Irving Forbush and voila! What costs readers of fine upscale humor mags like Mad Magazine a whopping $4.99... you Marvelites get for free! Enjoy!





Excelsior!
Smiley

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST CAMEOS

ITEM! Unless you’ve been living under a lodestone in Latveria, you’ve seen some of Ol’ Smiley’s sometimes-comic always-dioramic cameos in virtually all of our Merry Marvel Movies. But did you know that my very first cameo in a Marvel movie was all the way back in 1989’s TV movie The Trial of the Incredible Hulk? Don’t believe me? Too good to be true? Check out Honest Irv’s embedded video below to see me in all my ad-libbed and action-posed glory. I’m that guy in the front of the jury box trying to get the heck outta Lou Ferrigno’s way!


Now the juicy part... did you know that Jolly Jack Kirby scored the very first-ever cameo in a moving Marvel production 10 years before your Uncle Stanley? That’s right, pilgrim. Jack always had a way of being there first with everything. The King had an uncredited cameo as a police sketch artist in an early episode of The Incredible Hulk TV series way, way back in the 1979 episode “No Escape” (see below)!


If you want to recapture these and other moments of Hulked-out gamma-rayed goodness, be sure and check out The Trial of the Incredible Hulk and  The Incredible Hulk: The Television Series Ultimate Collection on DVD at a video store near you! Who says this isn’t the Marvel Age of Encyclopedic Creator Cameos? P.S. Speaking of cameos, be sure to watch for another sneaky Marvel Easter Egg cameo from a certain Red, White and Blue shield-slinger in the about-to-premiere Incredible Hulk movie! ‘Nuff Said!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Monday, June 9, 2008

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - THE LOST EPISODES

ITEM! Welcome to Heeeeere's Hulk Week here at everything’s sunny in Soapboxland! In honor of the June 13th premiere of The Incredible Hulk movie, we’ll be all-Hulk all-the-time all-week! (Note: if you absolutely, positively, have to have something Brand Ecch-related to read this week - go here. Your Uncle Stan forgives you!) And we're starting out this week with a few missing chapters from the life and times of ol’ Greenskin. Ever wonder exactly what happened to the Jolly Jade Giant between the last issue of his first run (The Incredible Hulk #6, March 1963) and his next series starting in Tales to Astonish #60 (Oct. 1964)? Well in 1977 writer Daring Doug Moench and a raft of other manic Marvel madmen decided to answer that very question in Marvel’s black-and-white The Rampaging Hulk magazine. Picking up Bruce Banner’s story directly from ish #6 of the Hulkster’s first run, Moench and friends stepped directly into the shoes of Lee-Kirby-Ditko and told the story from that point onwards... and it was Incredible!

Fondly remembered by Frantic Ones for years, you can now own the first 15 issues of these historic Hulk hegiras by getting your copy of the Marvels Essentials: The Rampaging Hulk! At 584 pages, it’s over 1.4 pounds of boisterous Bronze Age bodaciousness. It’s full of lush, lovingly-rendered 60s-style Hulk lore full of invading aliens, Soviet megalomaniacs and jalopy-driving teen-aged sidekicks. Trust your Uncle Stanley on this... you gotta have this one sitting on your shelf reserved for literary classics!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Friday, June 6, 2008

THE WORLD'S GREATEST DVD HEROES

ITEM! You know some days I barely have time to sit down and catch my breath from all the signing of media deals, licensing agreements, and assorted other lucrative legalese and leases. But yesterday I finally had a moment and decided to pop my promo copy of the Fantastic Four: World’s Greatest Heroes (The Complete First Season) DVD into my poolside media system and check out a few eps. Believe it or not, pilgrims, just because I’m listed in the credits as Co-Executive Producer doesn’t mean I’ve ever actually watched the show before now... leastways not that I remember. You know how it goes...

Turns out what we have here are all 26 episodes, eight of which never aired in the U.S. thanks to some bone-headed programming decisions at the Cartoon Network. I think they got burned by the plumeting ratings from their various Brand Echh cartoons and decided to clear out all the capes at once. But of the four cartoon versions of the FF to date, this one is easily your Uncle Stanley’s favorite, if only for the rockin’ theme music! Once I got past the French/Japanese anime art direction of the series, which I’ve had to do anyway to work on Ultimo with Hiroyuki Takei, the Smilin’ One was totally into it, as the kids say these days. Really, after you get used to Johnny’s Astro-Boy astro-turf haircut and Ben having the circle-four symbol spay-painted on his chest and everyone having chins that could split wood, this series is fantastic! This is the FF that we all wanted to see in those two movies. Lotsa action - check! Family dynamic - check! Ben and Johnny constantly banging on each other - check! Reed inventing one crazed Kirbyesque techno-solution after another - check! Impossible Man? Checkerino! Kree... Skrulls... and of course Doc Doom... what’s not to love?

After I dove into the diligent DVD extras I understood what was ringing so duly for Yours Truly in all of this — the showrunners at Moonscope loved the original Lee-Kirby run of the series, and — modernizations and stylistic choices aside — hewn pretty closely to the classic originals in spirit and scope. In fact, why not enjoy one of Irving Forbush’s embedded linky things and watch a few minutes for yourself? Then go out next Tuesday (June 10) and catch your copious copy of this cosmic cartoon collection before they’re all calamitously confiscated! Enjoy!


Excelsior!
Smiley

Thursday, June 5, 2008

CAREFULLY-CONTRIVED CLUE-FILLED CAMEO

ITEM! Well movie-goers, The Incredible Hulk reviews are starting to stream in, and your Uncle Stanley is not one to say “I told you so.” Oh wait... yes I am! Told yah so, True Believers! Now that Marvel Entertainment is running the show, our movies are all guaranteed to bring a trembling tear of fan-boy joy to your bright-eyed and bushy-tailed peepers! Seeing my newest, bestest-friend-forever Robert Downey Jr.’s “We’re assembling a team” cameo is worth the price of admission alone! And speaking of calamitous cameos... be sure and check out Yours Truly’s. This time I not only get lines, I get to advance the plot! I’m not gonna spoil it for you, Fearless Ones, but let me say that it will put you in mind of how we used to do things at Mighty Marvel back in the day. You’ll understand what I mean when you see the flick. Can anyone explain to me why there isn’t an Academy Award for Best Cameo by a Crazed Crotchety Co-Creator?

So what are you waiting for, Tiger? Don’t get left out in the careless cold! Get online the Intrawebs and reserve your tickets today! June 13th will be here before you can irradiate a gamma particle and call it Smiley!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

THE SAME SKRULL, SIR, WAS YORICK'S SKRULL

ITEM! It’s the first Wednesday of the month, and you know what that means, pilgrims! That’s right! It’s time for your Uncle Stanley’s monthly Secret Invasion Bash! As you’ll recall from our last blogisode, Yours Truly was remarking on the uncanny plot-point-by-plot-point similarities of Secret Invasion to the original Lee-Kirby Skrull appearances in classic ishes of the Fantastic Four. I even offered to take bets that Secret Invasion #3 would feature a Skrull revealed to be Dr. Franklin Storm, as in their third appearance in FF#32 (Nov. 1964).

Well Lo and Behold, it wasn’t Sue and Johnny’s dad, but it was a trusted ally of the good-guys that was revealed to actually be a Skrull... that cool exec with a heart of steel, Tony Stark! Not even close, right? Well check this out, Frantic Ones. In FF #32 the Super Skrull masqueraded as Dr. Storm under the name of The Invincible Man. In Secret Invasion #3 a Skrull is revealed to have been masquerading as Tony Stark, the “Invincible” Iron Man! See what’s happening here? Brian “Continuity-Bending” Bendis just decided to play a little coy with his premeditated plot-stealing! No points for originality, but at least one score for clever cryptic obscuration.

By Ol’ Smiley’s calculations, if Brainy Bendis continues this pattern, then Secret Invasion #4 should involve our heroes taking the fight to the Skrull’s homebase in order to avenge a fallen comrade, as in FF #37. I’ll meet you Merry Marching Marvelites right back here next month, same Soapbox time, same Soapbox channel, to see how well we guessed!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

FOR ONCE WORDS ACTUALLY FAIL ME

ITEM! This painting is so wrong on so many levels that words actually fail me. Just kidding, pilgrims! I suppose it could be worse... at least Vince Colletta didn’t ink it. Actually, Vinnie probably woulda done a nicer job, and he'd have included Gwen and Mary Jane done in his romantic babe style. Brandon Bird, consider yourself demoted in rank to R.F.O. (Real Frantic One). Your Sergeant Stanley was tempted to bust you all the way back to B.E.B. (Brand Echh Booster), but that would be cruel and unusual punishment. And speaking of cruel and unusual punishment, click here to see a larger version of this painting. (Not recommended for anyone who is pregnant, diabetic, or under the age of 85. Repeated viewing has been shown to cause seizures in laboratory animals. Pillow fights lasting over four hours are not normal, and you may need to see a doctor.) 'Nuff Said!

Excelsior!
Smiley

A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO OUR STORY THUS FAR...

ITEM! Hookay... I get it. I really do. Heaven knows your Uncle Stanley is predisposed to being a tad verbose, bellicose and even a little grandiose with his peerless polyphonic prose... I suppose. That's how it goes. But even I had to laugh at this video when Honest Irv showed it to me. It brought a smile to Ol’ Smiley’s smilin’ face, it did. Jazzy Jon Clarke, you’re a genius, wherever you are! Consider yourself field-promotioned to the rank of F.F.F. (Fearless Front Facer)! The rest of you True Believers... enjoy! “THIS is a big episode!!”



Excelsior!
Smiley

Monday, June 2, 2008

SUPPLYING OUR MARVELOUS TROOPS WITH EXCELLENT COMICS!

ITEM! It’s that time of the month again, heroes! Time to hand out another Excelsior Award for Comic Shop Excellence! While the prior winners of the existential Exy award have been West Coast comic book shops, not this time, Tiger! When we started handing these things out, Ol’ Smiley threw out the challenge to any Mid-Western MMMS members-at-large to report back in to Soapbox Central on any comic book shop that met the Merry Marvel standards for excellence. A couple of weeks ago Yours Truly received the following from MMMS member #7892, otherwise-known-as FedEx Eddie:

“If ever there was a comic book shop that deserves the Excelsior Award, it’s the Bookery Fantasy located in Fairborn, Ohio (right next to Wright-Patterson Airforce Base and just outside Dayton. Their store is so big it’s broken into two shops directly across the street from each other — one for comics, pulps and collectibles, the other for games. Besides having one of the best back-issue inventories in the country, the Bookery is huge on old pulp magazines and genre paperbacks. Last time I was there I was able to grab the Twomorrows’ Kirby Unleashed portfolio, a copy of Blake Bell’s "I Have to Live With This Guy," and that Streetwise book with the Kirby story in it. All that and my regular books!

They have a massive selection of graphic novels, trade paperbacks and collectibles. A few weeks ago I walked in and they were conducting an Iron Man costume contest just prior to the movie premiere (see included photos). If you ever need anything there, all you have to do is ask Jessi — she knows her comics! In short, the Bookery seems like the kind of comic shop you’d find in downtown Manhattan, but it’s right here in the middle of Ohio!

Make Mine Marvel,
FedEx Ed, R.F.O., K.O.F."

Well there yah go, pilgrims! That’s how it works. Congratulations to Bookery Fantasy owner Tim Cottrill and his comic-crazed crew for winning the Excelsior Award for Comic Shop Excellence! Stand a little straighter and walk a little taller, Bookery-ites! Your excellence no longer goes unrecognized!

Nearly every city, hamlet and burg has a good comic shop... but do you have an exceptionally excellent comic shop in your vicinity? Is your rascally regional retailer recognition-worthy? Then what are you waiting for? A Skrull invasion? Send your Exy nominations straight to the ol’ Sock It To Stan emailage box, sunshine! You’ll feel better for doing it!

Excelsior!
Smiley

Sunday, June 1, 2008

TAKE MY RAINCOAT... PLEASE!

ITEM! Ever wanted to own a genuine piece of fashionable Stan the Man rainy-day-wear? Got at least $15,000 burning a hole in your pocket and nothing better to spend it on? Got more money than common sense? Heck, then why buy Apple stock when you can own a collectible raincoat worn by Yours Truly in his Cannes-tastic cameo in Spider-Man 2? This li’l gem is sure to appreciate in value faster than a tank of Premium Unleaded! See this ebay auction and bid away, pilgrims!

I really wish I’da known how much they were gonna charge for this thing before I signed it for my usual modest meager fee! Wowsir! This has gotten your Uncle Stanley thinking that maybe I’m in the wrong business just charging a few hundred grand to attach my name to every media project that crosses my lawyers’ desks. I should be selling my old sweaters and windbreakers on the ebays! Somewhere in the basement I’ve got crates of these really hip beltless raincoats my old friend Morty sold me back in the 60s... they were called “The Executive” or some such as I recall. I used to hand ‘em out as Christmas gifts to Rascally Roy and the Bullpen way back when. Time to get out the ol’ Sharpee and get Joanie that new Bentley she’s been eyeing! In the meantime, bid early and bid often on my official Spidey-2 raincoat! I’m sure the money is going to a very good cause...

Excelsior!
Smiley