JACK'S ONE MAN SUPER-SOLDIER CORPS

ITEM! Hey there, Heroes! It’s time once again for your Uncle Stan to prove that he isn’t just a soulless corporate shill who’ll pimp any project with the name “Marvel” stamped on it! Heck, I’ll even promote products published by the professed opposition if the money is right. But I kid, I kid. I’m a kidder. What are yah gonna do? Sue me? Good luck with that one... but I digress.

Out this week from the Distinguished Conglomerate is the deluxe omnibus edition of Jack "King" Kirby’s OMAC: One Man Army Corps, and it’s a better read today than it was in the mid-70s! The most shocking revelation for Yours Truly came when I read Madcap Mark Evanier’s inevitable introduction to this Kirby collection. Apparently OMAC is another one of those ideas that Jolly Jack originally had back during the late-60s at Marvel, but which he chose to keep to himself. According to Ever-ready Mark, OMAC was originally conceived by Jack as a version of Captain America that took place in the future. Let that sink in for a moment, kids. That means that sometime in 1968 Jack envisioned an entire alternate line of Marvel Comics that took place in a future timeline. On our own, Marvel wouldn’t come up with that idea until Johnny Byrne and I cooked up the Marvel 2099 imprint in 1993! And as always, Jack was there way ahead of us mere mortals...

Sometimes it makes me dizzy thinking what would’ve happened if my publisher-uncle-in-law Marty Goodman hadn’t been such a puerile putz and treated Jolly Jack better while he was at Marvel. Jack was banking ideas like crazy after Marty went back on his word to salary the King and make him a company employee with bennies! Imagine a Merry Marvel Multiverse where Doc Doom mixed it up with Mister Miracle, where the Demon and Doctor Strange confronted Dormammu, or where Darkseid takes out Thanos for being a copy-cat trademark infringer! Not to mention a future-Marvel universe where a successor to Steve Rogers gets his super-soldier powers from a orbiting computer in the sky called Brother Eye! I guess if the quantum theory sciencey guys are right and there are an infinite number of parallel universes out there where every possible scenario is played out, then there are places in the multiverse where that’s exactly what happened. In those universes, your Uncle Stan probably has twice as much to be humble about! It boggles the mind, pilgrims...

Excelsior!

Smiley

SECRET INVASION #12 - SNEAK PREVIEW!

ITEM! Well pilgrims, it seems it only takes a little bit of Stan the Man re-dialoging of a page from the Lee-Kirby classic, Fantastic Four #18, and voila! A sizzling sensational sneak preview of how the Secret Invasion story line will probably end! That's right, Bendis! As the kids today say, "I'm in UR Head, Riting UR Comix!" I think I'll call this story, "Secret Invasions... Ur Doin' It Wrong!" Either that, or "A Tale Told by an Industry-Insider, Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying Negative Profits" What do you Tigers and Tigrettes think?

(Click on page below for a larger view.) 'Nuff Said!

AMONG US WALK... YOURS TRULY?!

ITEM! Apparently there are secret invasions, and there are really top-secret SECRET INVASIONS that even your Uncle Stanley knew nothing about. The following appeared in my emails in-box late last night:

“Dear Stan,

It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that you are in fact a Skrull sleeper agent that has been in place since at least 1973 (see attached photo), and almost certainly much longer than that. In an upcoming issue of one of the 250 Secret Invasion tie-in comics, it will be revealed that you replaced the real Stan Lee in 1962, shortly before writing the Fantastic Four #2 story “The Fantastic Four Meet the Skrulls From Outer Space.” This was part of a propaganda campaign to prepare the human race for eventual Skrull rule, as have been all of the Skrull stories that you've written since then.

Additionally, since I am retconning these events as outlined above, you will note that you no longer originally came up with the many Skrull story ideas, story arcs, and plot points that are now a part of my Secret Invasion story line. I did. You didn’t originally create my story because I created you first! I hope this settles the issue once and for all. I look forward to reading a retraction of your many slanderous blog postings.

Sincerely,

Brian Michael Bendis

Well, BMB... there won’t be any retractions until I have my liltingly litigious lawyers look over your delusional denouncements. Heck, maybe I’ll get lucky and a couple of them will turn out to be Skrulls, too! Actually, now that I think about it, that would explain quite a few things...

Excelsior!

Smiley

THEY SAY LITIGATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY

ITEM! We interrupt your regular Hulk-centric bloggage for the following very important message. In the event of an actual emergency, you’ll be instructed which blog to tune into for real news and information that you can actually use. Probably Occasional Superheroine.

Well, well, well... imagine your Uncle Stanley’s surprise when young Ivr Forbush III brought me a copy of the most recent Mad Magazine, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but an Iron Man “attach a funny word balloon to a photograph” feature (see pic for the only funny joke in the whole spread - there, your Uncle Stan just saved you $4.99. Your welcome, Tiger). We won’t even get into who invented that genre to begin with (hint: Mrs. Lieber’s favorite fair-haired son) or who is currently still it’s present peerless practitioner (hint: go buy your copy of Election Daze now, pilgrim!). What’s gotten my garrulous goat this time is that some uncredited hack from “the usual pack of copy-cats” lifted the idea for this Iron Man feature directly from this erstwhile humble blog, namely my post from way back on April 30 called “Top 10 Unknown Gadgets in Iron Man’s Armor.”

It’s all well and fine to steal an idea from some blog probably only read by four or five aging MMMS members surfing the World Wide Webs from their Lazy-Boys in Retirement-ville (and a big shout out to our one faithful reader in Bonita Springs, Florida! Keep Making Yours Malox, Marvelite!), but to not even give Yours Truly a co-creator credit for the original idea... I know, I know... the Smilin’ One objecting to not receiving credit-where-credit-is-due. The irony is so thick you could slice it with an adamantium claw. Still, this is me, Tiger. I’ve got enough POW! Entertainment lawyers on retainer to sue Doc Doom back to the Stone Age. I guess I just really expected better from a magazine owned by the Distinguished Conglomerate. I thought we had an understanding. John Ficarra, this old man is a callin' you out! Expect to hear from my attorneys first thing Tuesday morning! 

Excelsior!

Smiley

WHOSOEVER HARMS THE HULK...

ITEM! Louis Leterrier finally got off his derriere and sent me a recalcitrant rough-cut Incredible Hulk DVD screener this weekend, and wow! My faith in all things Marvel Entertainment is restored! They managed to get my filmed-after-the-fact cameo into the movie after all. That alone should guarantee some solid box office numbers, Fearless Ones! Oh, and the other 119 minutes of the movie are pretty great too. And since you have faithfully tuned into your Uncle Stanley’s Soapbox today, it’s my pleasure to share an extended clip from the movie with all of you. Who says this isn’t the Marvel Age of Pre-Opening PR?

Watching this clip from The Incredible Hulk movie called “Street Fight,” the calamitous continuation to the above blog title should probably be “... gets his green gamma-rayed gluteus-maximus handed to him!” I really dig how the Hulk is just knocking the Super Soldier serum’ed snot outta the Abomination in this scene. Yes, Frantic Ones, the SS serum is mentioned by name in the movie. Just another marvelous intra-franchise nugget we placed in there to connect this movie with the upcoming Captain America movie! So while we all count down to June 13, enjoy this sizzling superhero smackdown! You can also see a larger widescreen version here!

Excelsior!

Smiley

BARON BRUBAKER AND HIS MASTERS OF UPHEAVAL

ITEM! Welp, True Believers, it’s time for your Uncle Stanley to retract, retreat and recoup. It’s true. Even your Fearless Leader is capable of admitting when he’s made a mistake, and Odin knows I’ve had lots of practice at it in the last 67 years in the biz! This time Yours Truly has to apologize to Ed “Baron” Brubaker for ever doubting his storytelling sensibilities. After giving the post-”Death of Captain America” story arc a good solid read-through while lounging by the pool the other day, I’ve changed my mind about it. Upon reflection, I think ze Baron Brubaker has really caught the iconic Lee-Kirby-Steranko era flavor of the old Cap books quite nicely... with the obvious exception that Cap isn’t actually in any of the stories!

But given that everyone from Yours Truly to Aunt Petunia knows that Steve Rogers is going to be brought back from the dearly departed drop-zone sometime between now and the 2011 premiere of The First Avenger: Captain America movie... I’m willing to keep reading and see where Ever-ready Eddy is heading with his sizzling story arc. In the current ish (Cap #38, natch) Ed’s ratcheting up the totalitarian tension nicely as the Red Skull tries to topple our trembling government. My sole concern at this point is that some damn silly Skrull is going to randomly pop up in the middle of the next issue or two. That would spoil the mood of Brubakers’ story faster than Galactus showing up at the Big Boy all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet! Hopefully Herr Quesada can restrain himself just this once... but I’m too old to start holding my breath at this point. Anyways, keep up the good work Ed!

Excelsior!

Smiley

THERE WAS A HOT GIRL IN THE COMIC SHOP

ITEM! Kudos to my adopted great-grandson Irving Forbussh III for pointing Yours Truly to this video and thanks to Hellacious comic book artist Eddie Campbell for posting it. I’m sure many of you Fearless Front-Facers out there will enjoy this, but what fascinates your Uncle Stanley is how much I’m digging this swingin’ li’l tune myself. After all, I’ve been happily married for over 60 years. Maybe this song reminds me of some of the younger and more attractive “friends” that I have over on my official lawyer-approved MySpace page. Or maybe this song by an awesome Ozzie musical comedy group called Tripod reminds me of the completely chaste old-man crush on Heidi MacDonald that I’ve been nursing for years now. Anyhoo, Earnest Irv is embedding a YouTubes web-linky-thing so that all of you can enjoy this magical mystery show for yourselves. ‘Nuff Said!

Excelsior!

Smiley

THE INCREDIBLE BULK OMNIBUS VS. DIGITAL COMIC DATABUS

ITEM! My reader copy of The Incredible Hulk Ominbus arrived in the mail today, and I have to say that I really love these enormous door-stop editions that would kill a small child if dropped on their head. For a measly 9,900 cents, you get 752 gamma-irradiated pages of Ol’ Greenskin’s adventures from The Incredible Hulk #1-6, Tales to Astonish #59-101, and Incredible Hulk #102! Plus letter cols, pinups, and a few assorted other goodies — like intros from me! Although Yours Truly already has many of these back issues leather-bound in the crypt underneath Maison de Lee, parts of the collection suffered some water damage when our basement flooded years ago back in New York., so it’s nice to have another bound reader copy!

That being said, I still say you can’t beat the modest modern-day convenience of GIT Corp’s sadly discontinued Hulk DVD-ROM Collection! For starters, the $50 price tag of the DVD collection includes 43 years of Hulk comics from 1962-2006. In other words about six times the comic reading goodness versus the $100 Ominbus! And of course the GIT digital scans show the entire comic book including those 60s Marvelicious House Ads and all the other stories included in each ish (a lot of Prince Namor the Submariner in this case). Though out of digital print, Frantic Ones can still grab the few remaining copies here at amazon.com!

To this day the Smilin’ One cannot believe that those short-sighted, greed-impaired MBA dropout bean-counters at Marvel Management yanked GIT Corp’s license to produce these daring digitally-scanned DVD collections. What can Merry Marvel Marchers like you and I do about this? I’m glad you asked, Tigers and Tigrettes. To quote Bill Murray in Stripes, “Do what I do, and say what I say, and go out there and make me proud!” In other words, raise as much fuss about renewing GIT’s license as possible on every Marvel forum board that you can click your Spider-Mouse on. And whatever you do, for the love of Mike, DO NOT buy one of Marvel’s ill-considered online digital comic subscriptions. Your Uncle Stanley will forgive you, but the karma hit could haunt you for years to come!

Excelsior!

Smiley

WRECKIN' THE TOWN WITH THE POWER OF PIXEL-BALLS

ITEM! Now this is what I’m talking about, True Believers! The new TV commercials are out for The Incredible Hulk movie and the Hulk CGI footage is notably improved! See Irving Forbush’s screen-cap comparison shots to get an idea of what your Uncle Stanley is on about. The skin texture and modeling are improved, the Hulk’s hair looks more mussed, and they used the best stage trick of all... they’ve added a little ragged remnant of shirt to distract and misdirect the eye! And what the heck is that thing on the Hulkster’s left shoulder? Did those jokesters at Rhythm & Hues sneak in their other emerald envoy, the Geico Gecko?

I'm still a little worried because Marvel Entertainment has yet to send me a Hulk DVD screener, so Yours Truly hasn’t seen any more of this movie than you pilgrims have. But I rest somewhat assured that all involved are working as hard as humanly possible to make sure that everyone’s favorite jade giant looks as photo-fantastic as possible. If R&H does their job, then the rest is basically up to Eddy Norton and King Louis Leterrier. They only have about four weeks left to Make Theirs Marvel! Till then, let’s all just keep our Gamma Rays crossed! Meanwhile, enjoy an earnestly embedded TV spot, courtesy of the YouTubes and Honest Irv!

Excelsior!

Smiley

MAD PROPS TO WILD BILL ELDER

ITEM! I know I’m a little late to the party with this one, but things have been crazy hereabouts. There are scripts to be written, deals to do, and about two-dozen POW! Entertainment lawyers to keep fed. Plus your Uncle Stanley doesn’t move quite as fast as he used to, and it takes me a while these days to get the ol’ memory cells fired up. Still, I wanted to say a few words about one of the greatest and funniest artists in comics — the late Bill Elder!

Bill did it all. He was truly a renaissance man. In the early days, he created one of Marvel’s most iconic Golden Age characters, Prince Namor the Submariner. Then he said good-bye to Timely Comics and moved over to EC Comics where he and co-genius Harvey Kurtzman created the original Mad comic book. Years later Bill and Harvey created the tantalizing and titillating Little Annie Fanny for Hef over at Playboy Magazine. As if that wasn’t enough sizzling success, the unsinkable Bill Elder still somehow found the time to come back and do some work for Mighty Marvel (even though our pay rates at the time were abysmal). He and Jolly Jack Kirby used to kid each other about who was really the “King of Comics,” and despite his many career successes, Bill eventually gave the title willingly to Jack. That’s just the kind of gentleman he was.

I lost track of Bill sometime in the early 70s, but never forgot what a great guy he was to work with. We’ll miss yah, buddy.

Excelsior!

Smiley

MARVEL DOES RIGHT BY GENTLEMAN GENE COLAN

ITEM! It’s good news day here in Soapbox-land! It seems that Marvel is actually going to help out Gene Colan and his wife Adrienne Colan with some much needed financial and medical assistance — thanks largely to efforts by Clever Cliff Meth, as well as peerless pressure from Marvelites everywhere just like you. Genial Gene certainly deserves it. Everyone likes to shout about how Marvel is the House that Lee-kirby built, but there were many, many hands on deck without which we wouldn’t have the rollicking characters and comics that we all still enjoy today! Gentle Gene Colan was one of those early Marvel architects without whom we would’ve never had classic ishes of Iron Man, Daredevil, Doctor Strange, Tomb of Dracula or even Howard the Duck! Oh, and he co-created a little character you may have heard of: Blade the Vampire-Slayer!

It just goes to show some things work even better than hordes of over-paid attorneys — things like spreading the word via the Intrawebs, and fans of Genial Gene banding together to shout a message as one. Good work, pilgrims!

Excelsior!

Smiley

AMAZING ADULT ANONYMITY

ITEM! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Whoever donated the Amazing Fantasy #15 original art to the Library of Congress obviously had his reasons for wanting to put some good karma back on the wheel. What if this person wants to donate more original art on condition of continued anonymity? Even though the donor clearly wishes to remain anonymous, still the speculation continues. Really, people... stop. Please. It’s embarrassing.

Excelsior!

Smiley

FANTASTIC FONTS, FACES AND FOURS

ITEM! Well Fearless Ones, we talked about the history of Spidey’s logo, so it seemed only fair to give Marvel’s First Family the same frankly featured foray into frantic fandom! Simple, you say? After all, wasn’t the Fantastic Four logo simply a reuse of the Amazing Adult Fantasy font? True, true... but there’s much more to tell regarding the 3-4 issue evolution of the FF from un-costumed anonymous adventurers into properly attired super heroes!

Our story starts with a tragic twist. Through a set of decidedly disastrous distribution decisions (better covered in a future blog, but here's some background) Mighty Marvel’s only access to newsstands throughout most of the 1960s was also our primary competition — DC Comics! The bend-over Brand Echh bargain that was brokered went something like this: DC would distribute Marvel’s books, but we could only publish eight titles per month and we were “encouraged” not to publish books that competed directly with DC’s... namely superhero books! Thus, we published mainly monster-of-the-month books along with a handful of westerns and glamor girl comics. When it came time to break the mold and create the Fantastic Four, Yours Truly thought it prudent to position the FF as closely to being just another monster book as perceptually possible. FF’s #1 and #2 therefore featured typical Marvel Monsters on the covers, and our heroes looked about as much like super heroes as Aunt May’s bridge club. Even so, when the books came out we still held our collective breaths waiting for a backlash from the folks at National, and what we finally heard was... absolutely nothing. Not a peep came from our Distinguished Competition.

So by FF #3 your Uncle Stanley was starting to feel a little froggy. I decided to make the Cosmic Quartet over into proper superheroes. That meant costumes, a high-tech headquarters, secret identities... the whole schmeel. Yes, pilgrims, you read that sentence correctly. Jack and I still hadn’t hit on the genre-defying idea of the FF having public identities and becoming media darlings. And so, in Jolly Jack’s original art for FF #3, Sue designs costumes for the team that include masks (see assorted before-and-after pics)! What’s more, the Thing was covered from head-to-toe so as to completely disguise his scaly orange appearance.

As he so often did, King Kirby was the one that actually caused your Uncle Stan to stop and rethink the concept a little. For starters, Jack made their “hideout” the top five stories of a New York skyscraper, complete with it’s own ICBM! It’d be mighty hard for the FF to conceal their real identities if they were launching missiles and pogo planes every other ish! So much for the secret HQ and secret identities! So with a little Sol Brodsky production magic — off came the masks!

And while we were changing things, the Smilin’ One wasn’t too crazy about Jack’s simplified “FF” chest symbol. It just didn’t seem heroic enough. I know, I know... Jolly Jack co-created half the Marvel universe and all of everything cool in it. But let me tell you something he didn’t create... the extruded “4” chest symbol for the FF. Your favorite Silver Age editor - writer - art director -bon vivant noodled out the famous-four symbol on the back of one of Jack’s FF pages (see pic at right).

The last change was to have Jack re-do the cover art to FF #3 (see the original version above). Out went the feature creature and in went the Fantasticared and costumed goodness! And that’s how the Lee-Kirby team finally birthed “The Greatest Comic Magazine in the World!” Hyperbole, thy name is Marvel!

Excelsior!

Smiley