HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

A BRIEF NON-HISTORY OF THE NO-PRIZE

ITEM! As a rigorous reader recently pointed out, even an eagle-eyed editor such as Yours Truly has committed many a typographic misfire to the printed page. I called Bruce Banner “Bob” in so many early ishes of Marvel Comics we eventually just up and officially changed the poor man’s name to Robert Bruce Banner! And of course, there was the time I had Doc Ock call Spider-Man “Super-Man.” (The Amazing Spider-Man #3, July 1963). Say what you will, that hyphen probably saved us a lawsuit!

Ever intelligent and insightful, our readers were always quick to point out our editorial mishaps and continuity gaffes. Thus was invented the legendary No-Prize! First announced in Fantastic Four #26 (May 1964) and awarded for the first time ever in FF #31 (Oct. 1964), these essentially empty envelopes eventually became so popular that we had to tighten the requirements for receiving one! Just finding one of my memory-impaired mistakes (which let’s face it, is like shooting dish in a barrel) was no longer enough to qualify. One had to demonstrate or perform “Meritorious Service to the Cause of Marveldom!” Many were called, but only the lucky few were served!

So there you have it. The proud No-Prize tradition continued off-and-on after your Uncle Stan went out West, and even continues today in digital form via Marvel Editor Tom Brevoort. Is it just me, or does Tom’s name sound just like it came straight from a Tales to Astonish monster story? “I Challenged Brevoort, the Editor from Outer Space!” But I digress. If you want to learn more, Honest Irv has embedded one a’ those YouToobs deals below with more info on No-Prizes than you can shake a Groot at! Enjoy!

Excelsior!

Smiley

STAN'S SOAPBOX: THE COLLECTION!

ITEM! Just in case you’ve been hiding in a cave in Outer Latveria (you know, a really plush cave with electricity and broadband access), I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that The Hero Initiative’s latest book, Stan’s Soapbox: The Collection, is now at your local comic book shop. A cavortin’ collection of every single Stan’s Soapbox written by Yours Truly from 1967-1980, this book contains over 14 years and 46,000 words of literary excellence that you can read, rhapsodize with, and regurgitate to your friends. And all profits from sales of this book benefit the fine work done on behalf of comic creators by The Hero Initiative. I’ll even let you in on a little secret. The book doesn’t actually reprint every single Stan’s Soapbox written by Yours Truly.

You see, there was one Soapbox that only appeared in bi-monthly mags printed in 1968 that someone must’ve missed — or given it's content — decided to intentionally omit. Either way, in order for you to truly complete your Stan's Soapbox collection, the Smilin’ One presents for your review and probable derision, the long lost Stan’s Soapbox. Enjoy it, gang!

Excelsior!

Smiley

ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEDALS

ITEM! Good news, gang! Your ol’ Uncle Stanley is back from his recent trip to our nation’s capital. I know I’ve been a little out-of-pocket lately, and for that I apologize. I’ve just been busy (as Bachman-Turner Overdrive once said) taking care of business. And Yours Truly wasn’t actually so much busy preparing to receive the 2008 National Medal of Arts from President George W. Bush last week, as I was busy trying to get the ceremony postponed just another eight or nine weeks. Even though I set my brainiest bunch of barristers on the task, it just didn’t work out. Not that I mind getting such a prestigious award from the outgoing President. Heck, if anyone can appreciate someone desperately trying to rehabilitate their legacy after some unfortunate management decisions, it’s mois. It’s just that ever since I saw that picture of Barrack Obama posing in front of the Metropolis, Illinois Superman statue, I’ve wanted to see if I couldn’t entice him into a photo-op with Iron Man or the Incredible Hulk. Though now that I think about it, a billionaire munitions industrialist or a rogue military scientist may not be the best fit for a post-inauguration picture taking session. Maybe Aunt May would go over best with Middle America. I'll have to get to work on that, and on posting more peerless pronouncements and pearls of prefabricated wisdom than you can click a refresh button on! The best is yet to come, pilgrims!

Excelsior!

Smiley

THE BRIDE OF ELECTION DAZE

ITEM! Now that we’ve made history by electing the first African-American president, it’s time for all us Frantic Ones to get back to work getting this country and the economy back on track again. No shirker of duty, your Uncle Stanley is already hard at work doing his part. That’s right, I’m currently putting together the sequel to my best-selling political humor book Election Daze. If you somehow some-way missed this one you can still order your copy right here. Since my two great humor-loves are placing comedic captions on pictures of political figures and Universal movie monsters, I’ve decided to combine the two for the genre-bending sequel: The Bride of Election Daze! No wistful word on a publication date from the publisher as yet, but here are a few frankly fabulous fragments I’ve been kicking around getting myself all warmed up. Enjoy ‘em, oh Keepers of the Faith! 

Excelsior!

Smiley

SPIDER-BABY: ILLEGITIMATE CHILD OF MARVEL CONTINUITY?

ITEM! Apparently the younger May Parker, daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson (and future Spider-Girl), is not as dead as Marvel continuity would have us believe. As this recent paparazzi picture reveals, Spidey has at least regained some visitation rights to bouncing baby May. It also looks like Petey's put on a few pounds. Better lay off the wheatcakes for awhile, Parker! What’s left unanswered is the child’s legal status in light of Mephisto reworking the Marvel Universe timeline so that Peter and Mary Jane were never married in the first place. Guess it’s a good thing Baby May’s not a boy!

Last time your Uncle Stanley was paying attention, Baby May was either killed off or in the custody of Alison Mongraine and the Green Goblin back around The Amazing Spider-Man #434 or so. However, the aforementioned paparazzi pic was shot recently in the same apartment building that Tom DeFalco lives in, so maybe he ended up with custody, which all things considered, could actually be for the best. Hey! I just came up with a great new idea for a Merry Marvel sitcom: Baby May growing up with only comic book creators Tom Defalco and Ron Frenz to raise her. We could call it “My Two Spider-Dads”! Better get a call into my attorneys and copyright this idea quick before Queseda gets wind of it and has it cancelled too! Face Front, True Believers!

Excelsior!

Smiley

GET DOWN, AMERICA! GO VOTE!

ITEM! And speaking of history — today’s the day we Americans make some! Be sure and go out and vote today, pilgrims! Your Uncle Stanley would even tell yah who to go vote for, but unfortunately my name is not on the ballot. Marvel hasn't had a candidate on the ballot since Howard the Duck in '76 (see video below). Yours Truly would’ve made a great candidate too — I’m older than John McCain and my head’s bigger than Barrack Obama’s! Still, either way the election turns out, we’re all going to make history today, and you don’t wanna get left out of that, do yah? After all, you have to vote to maintain your right to complain and to sell books with humorous word balloons drawn over photographs of political figures later, right? So, to quote Howard the Duck, “Get down, America! Go Vote!”

Excelsior!

Smiley

OWN THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT

ITEM! Hey there, Marvelites! If you’ve got an extra $1.2 million laying around burning a hole in your hot little pockets, then you can buy the house that Jack Kirby built! No, no... not Marvel Comics — the other house that Jack built. It seems that Jolly Jack’s former residence in Thousand Oaks, CA is now up for sale. You can check out the listing here, or see a satellite picture of it here. According to the listing it’s got four bedrooms, three baths and an in-ground pool. No word in the listing if there’s a lower-level entrance to Subterranea or if the house is Negative Zone accessible. Either way, let’s face it, pilgrims. This place should be on the National Register of Historic Sites. Maybe the new owners will arrange for that, and if you’re in the market for a daringly dramatic domicile located in Southern California, that person could be you! 

Excelsior!

Smiley

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STURDY STEVE DITKO

ITEM! It hardly seems possible that Steve Ditko, the man many consider the co-creator of Spider-Man and Doctor Strange, turned 81-years-young on November 2 — and this is my favorite time of year because of it! This is the time of year when for a month-and-a-half I’m only four years older than Steverino! Good ol' Steve. Even though we’ve been on the outs since my 1999 letter acknowledging his contributions to Spidey’s legend, we here in Soapboxland still wish that Randiest of Randians the happiest of birthdays. May the All-Seeing Eye of Agamotto shine brightly on you, may the Fabulous Flames of Faltine light your way, and may all your birthday presents come wrapped in the Crimson Bands of Cytorrak! ‘Nuff Said!

Excelsior!

Smiley