ITEM! Hard times — it happens to the best of us. Just ask Nick Nolte or my bestest biddy-buddy Robert Downey Jr.. Looks like the Devourer of Worlds and everyone’s least favorite all-you-can-eat buffet companion has finally hit rock bottom! News reached me just this weekend that Galactus was seen signing autographs at Mid-Ohio Con in Columbus, Ohio. It just breaks my heart to see the scourge of the Skrull Empire and sentients across the universe squeaking by like this on convention appearance money. Bet they put him up at the local Motel 6, too.
Apparently the Big G’s long-tall fall started back when he was replaced by a CGI cloud in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Director Tim Story later claimed that it was an artistic decision to replace ol’ Purple Boots with computer effects, but the tabloids all reported that it was really because he was constantly showing up late on the set or without his lines memorized. Next thing anyone knew the Big Guy was seen hanging out at Britney Spears’ compound. She’s like what? 1/576,000,000th his age? Even now, with a Silver Surfer movie in pre-production, the studio won’t take his calls. How the mighty have fallen! Gimme a call, G. Maybe it's not too late to get you into Secret Invasion.
Excelsior!
Smiley
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