ITEM! It’s almost that time, Culture Lovers! It’s almost time for San Diego Comic Con 2008. Since many of you will be making the tireless trek out to the wild and wooly West Coast specifically to catch a glimpse of Yours Truly, I thought I’d make it as easy on yah as possible by letting you know my schedule and a few simple rules of earnest etiquette to use when approaching the Smilin’ One!
First, my complete Comic Con schedule can be found at this linky thing here. Just type "Stan Lee" into the search field and voila! It’s updated daily, so you know you’ll always have the latest and greatest info on where to track your Uncle Stanley down day-by-day!
Next, a few simple rules just to help things go as smoothly as possible as you traverse the thrill-seeking throngs waiting in line to get an autographed copy of Election Daze or whatever else has the good taste to come graced with my momentous moniker on it. Sure as Spidey wears a speckled shirt, someone will ignore this simple code of Comic Con conduct, but as Doc Ock would say, "forewarned is four-armed." The Smilin' One doesn't want to see anyone accosted by my POW!erful handlers or body guards. Here are the rules:
1.) On approach, check to make sure that I’m wearing my specially-tinted stare-proof prescription sunglasses. If for any reason I am not wearing them, DO NOT attempt to make eye contact. It’s not safe for mere mortals to gaze too long into the eyes of a living literary legend. Frantic Ones who have ignored this rule have been known to spontaneously combust or to break down into uncontrollable fits of worshipful sobbing.
2.) Only shake my hand if I offer it to you first. I need time to bring the power cosmic down to levels that won’t mutate genes or cause unwanted tanning.
3.) I’ll pose for any pictures so long as you sign my attorney’s short affidavit promising to publish the pictures as far and wide as possible so as too spread the word to the faithful masses. It also doesn't hurt if you're really cute.
4.) I’ll only sign items containing intellectual property that I can take actual credit for creating or co-creating... in other words anything you want to shove my way, pilgrims!
That’s it! You’ve suffered enough with the rules. See yah at the Con! So until the Silver Surfer buys a fright wig, let me leave you with this sly and sobering thought —