ITEM! Hiya Heroes! It’s almost that time... time for an adoring public to embrace the greatest Merry Marvel Movie since Predator vs. Howard the Duck... Iron Man! Your Uncle Stanley saw it last night with an audience, and this thing is bound to be a bombastic box office bonanza! I had tears in my eyes from the audience cheering and leapin’ outta their seats. Well, from that and Gwyneth Paltrows’ perfume...
I made a bet with Avi Arad back when he jumped ship last year that this movie was gonna beat Spider-Man’s opening weekend. Later we upped the ante to include beating Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. That means an opening weekend in excess of $140 million, and I’m stickin’ to that figure like Aunt May’s wheatcakes stick to yer ribs. Word-of-mouth-plate alone on this sucker is going to drive it through the stratosphere! And the best part? The loser of the bet has to hire an artist to body paint Spidey’s costume onto his nude body and parade around Sunset and Vine for at least one hour. During daylight. I know, I know... no one wants to see that, but what do I care at this stage in my life? Besides, it's not Yours Truly who's gonna be treating folks to the Full Spidey! I am totally winning this bet, pilgrims!