ITEM! For those Frantic Ones who can’t wait any longer for the Thursday, 8:00 pm first showing of Iron Man, here’s a sneaky-peek at the very best thing in the whole fershlugginer movie: Yours Truly!
Just like my last two cameos in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Spider-Man 3, the creative team on Iron Man decided that the best bang-for-the-box-office-buck would be to have the Smiln’ One play his own indomitable self in the movie! Why settle for anything else but the Real Thing, right Tiger? Why waste acting chops that put the rest of the invidious Screen Actors Guild to shame? Why pay for a real actor when I’ll work for scale?
But wait — there’s a tantalizing twist to this cameo! Even though I play myself, I’m surrounded by a bevy of beautiful blondes (much as in real life) and because of this, Tony Stark mistakes me for Hugh Hefner! Kinda like the old “heroes mistake each other for villains and 22-pages of property damage ensue” schtick, only with less punching and more drinking. Not much of a resemblance if you ask me, by-the-way, but I guess arm-loads of hot young blondes + speckled turkey wattle = “The Hef.” Either way, it’s cinematic gold, pilgrims! See yah at the movies on Thursday!